I have to be honest as to why these days have taken me a while to write. It is an uncomfortable place to be in. In the last year I have grown in my faith and relationship with God. However, I haven't really acted on it or take a step to profess my faith. I feel uncomfortable typing out some of these thoughts because I have never shared my thinking in this way. I've always been concerned about what others would think if I started 'talking like this.'
But, I realize that through this uncomfortable feelings, God has a plan for me. If I can never profess my love and devotion to him anywhere else than during my quiet time, than am I really in love with Him? And how can I ever reach others for Him if I never talk about Him? I know I can't do it alone, but with God's help, I can get past my insecurities and fears about what others think. Because they don't matter anyway.
Day 20 - Love is Jesus Christ
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. --Romans 5:6
True love is found only through Christ alone. You must know Christ and accept him as the Lord of your life to live fulfilled with His love and joy.
Jesus is the key!
Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God
The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. --Isaiah 58:11
How do we know God's desires and guidance for us? Prayer and reading the Word. You can't grow if you don't know what He wants for you. In both cases, God reveals things to us to help us learn, love, and grow. If you don't put yourself in a situation to receive that information, you will never be able to love those around you. Because it is God' love the ultimately makes all things possible for us.
We are nothing without Him.
Day 22 - Love is Faithful
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. --Hosea 2:20
Love is faithful, no matter what. Even in difficult times, love holds on. Just as God loves us, we are called to love others. Particularly those who do not always love us back. This can be especially challenging, which is why we need God's love through us to be able to do it.
We can do nothing without Him.
It is an interesting turn The Love Dare is taking. By focusing my time on knowing how much God loves ME, allows me to be able to love those around me better. I still have work to do, but basking in His love is a glorious thing that I would never want to give up.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Day 18 - Love Seeks to Understand
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the main who gains understanding. --Proverbs 3:13
It is important that you know every little detail about your spouse. Having knowledge and wisdom about our partner helps us to understand them and love them that much more. Asking questions and seeking answers in a non-judgmental way is the way to true understanding. Don't forget that last part - non-judgmental. If we show judgment, who would want to tell us anything? Accepting and loving are what God calls us to do. Once we have a complete understanding of our spouse, we can truly show them the love of God.
It is important to do three things: ask questions, listen, and ask God for discernment. Through those three we are able to come to know our spouse better so that we can love better.
Today's dare was to get to know Seth better. I thought this was an interesting dare since I've known him for twelve years, however I was surprised by something he said yesterday, which made me realize there is still a lot more to know. I still remember early on in our relationship we would play 'The Question Game' and ask each other millions of questions to get to know each other better.
One day in particular stands out to me. He had sprained his ankle in a basketball game the night before, so I came over the next day to hang out with him while he RICE'd his ankle (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation - still have my training skills!) Since we couldn't do anything, we just started asking each other questions about our inner-workings. That was a pretty intimate moment in our relationship and we haven't had many like that since then. So, that was my inspiration for the dare today.
I asked all my questions on the way to and from Ames and I learned quite a bit. Not what his favorite color was or anything like that - I already know it's blue :) - but more about our future together and what he sees in store for us. It was really intimate, even though we were surrounded by corn fields and rolling hills. It made me wonder why I don't ask questions like that more often. It's nice to know those things.
It is important that you know every little detail about your spouse. Having knowledge and wisdom about our partner helps us to understand them and love them that much more. Asking questions and seeking answers in a non-judgmental way is the way to true understanding. Don't forget that last part - non-judgmental. If we show judgment, who would want to tell us anything? Accepting and loving are what God calls us to do. Once we have a complete understanding of our spouse, we can truly show them the love of God.
It is important to do three things: ask questions, listen, and ask God for discernment. Through those three we are able to come to know our spouse better so that we can love better.
Today's dare was to get to know Seth better. I thought this was an interesting dare since I've known him for twelve years, however I was surprised by something he said yesterday, which made me realize there is still a lot more to know. I still remember early on in our relationship we would play 'The Question Game' and ask each other millions of questions to get to know each other better.
One day in particular stands out to me. He had sprained his ankle in a basketball game the night before, so I came over the next day to hang out with him while he RICE'd his ankle (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation - still have my training skills!) Since we couldn't do anything, we just started asking each other questions about our inner-workings. That was a pretty intimate moment in our relationship and we haven't had many like that since then. So, that was my inspiration for the dare today.
I asked all my questions on the way to and from Ames and I learned quite a bit. Not what his favorite color was or anything like that - I already know it's blue :) - but more about our future together and what he sees in store for us. It was really intimate, even though we were surrounded by corn fields and rolling hills. It made me wonder why I don't ask questions like that more often. It's nice to know those things.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day 19 - Love is Impossible
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. --1 John 4:7
We cannot love without the love of God within us. God's love fills us up and bubbles over to those around us. It is only because of this love that we are able to love others. There is nothing we can do to earn that love or show God we are worthy. We aren't. So it is solely because of God that we can live in love.
Loving is a difficult thing to do, and we need God's help to do so. It comes first with knowing that God loves us. How deep, how wide, how long. Once we are secure in God's love, we are then able to love those God has put around us. God promises to dwell in our hearts through the love of Christ and the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 3:19). God's love is always available through the Holy Spirit whenever we choose to submit to it (Romans 5:5).
Today's dare was a reflective one that starts with me. Looking back over the days, some were definitely more of a challenge than others. But had I submitted to God, I know that his love through me is what blesses Seth. In fact, the sermon from church this weekend revolved around squaring up with God and living in his love for me before I love others. Every piece of scripture was reiterated to me a few times from The Love Dare, the sermon, or a song I was listening to. That is not coincidence. God plans these moments to draw us nearer and rekindle that love so that we can show His love to others.
Ultimately, we can't live without Him and can't love without him either.
We cannot love without the love of God within us. God's love fills us up and bubbles over to those around us. It is only because of this love that we are able to love others. There is nothing we can do to earn that love or show God we are worthy. We aren't. So it is solely because of God that we can live in love.
Loving is a difficult thing to do, and we need God's help to do so. It comes first with knowing that God loves us. How deep, how wide, how long. Once we are secure in God's love, we are then able to love those God has put around us. God promises to dwell in our hearts through the love of Christ and the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 3:19). God's love is always available through the Holy Spirit whenever we choose to submit to it (Romans 5:5).
Today's dare was a reflective one that starts with me. Looking back over the days, some were definitely more of a challenge than others. But had I submitted to God, I know that his love through me is what blesses Seth. In fact, the sermon from church this weekend revolved around squaring up with God and living in his love for me before I love others. Every piece of scripture was reiterated to me a few times from The Love Dare, the sermon, or a song I was listening to. That is not coincidence. God plans these moments to draw us nearer and rekindle that love so that we can show His love to others.
Ultimately, we can't live without Him and can't love without him either.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Day 17 - Love Promotes Intimacy
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. --Proverbs 17:9
Being in a marriage is the most intimate relationship we can have this side of Heaven. It is an important one that we need. Within that relationship lies an inner circle of trust and love. Those two elements must be there to cover and help deal with the secrets and dark places of our lives that need light. Without the security of intimacy, people will seek to find it elsewhere - often with another or a distraction like work or a hobby.
Building intimacy in your marriage takes a long time and is very delicate. Who wants to expose EVERYTHING about themselves? But that is what a true marriage is built on. Your partner knowing every little detail about you.
I think Seth and I are pretty fortunate in this department because we have been around each other for almost 12 years, there aren't many secrets we don't know about each other. And it also means that there is A LOT we know about how each other works.
I still struggle with revealing my true feelings at times because I don't want Seth to think less of me, but I realize that he can help me get over them and deal with them if I let him in. For example, being pregnant has brought on a lot of thoughts, changes, and questions. Since he has a lot of knowledge in the area of pregnancy, it can be both a blessing and curse at times. I realize that I need to share all those pieces with him because he will want to help me.
So what does this come down to? Prayer. Listening with a gentle heart. Ultimately loving above all else.
Being in a marriage is the most intimate relationship we can have this side of Heaven. It is an important one that we need. Within that relationship lies an inner circle of trust and love. Those two elements must be there to cover and help deal with the secrets and dark places of our lives that need light. Without the security of intimacy, people will seek to find it elsewhere - often with another or a distraction like work or a hobby.
Building intimacy in your marriage takes a long time and is very delicate. Who wants to expose EVERYTHING about themselves? But that is what a true marriage is built on. Your partner knowing every little detail about you.
I think Seth and I are pretty fortunate in this department because we have been around each other for almost 12 years, there aren't many secrets we don't know about each other. And it also means that there is A LOT we know about how each other works.
I still struggle with revealing my true feelings at times because I don't want Seth to think less of me, but I realize that he can help me get over them and deal with them if I let him in. For example, being pregnant has brought on a lot of thoughts, changes, and questions. Since he has a lot of knowledge in the area of pregnancy, it can be both a blessing and curse at times. I realize that I need to share all those pieces with him because he will want to help me.
So what does this come down to? Prayer. Listening with a gentle heart. Ultimately loving above all else.
Day 16 - Love Intercedes
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. --3 John 2
Pray for your spouse. You can't change anything about them, but God can. This is an especially important one to me as prayer has become more of a focus and connection with God in my life. I really enjoyed this one and I'm happy to say, have already made it a part of my life!
Pray for your spouse. You can't change anything about them, but God can. This is an especially important one to me as prayer has become more of a focus and connection with God in my life. I really enjoyed this one and I'm happy to say, have already made it a part of my life!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day 15 - Love is Honorable
Live with your wives in an understanding way... and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. --1 Peter 3:7
To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth. How often do we honor our spouse? According to this definition, I'd say not as often as I should.
Today's challenge was to do something to show Seth that I honor him above my normal routine. So this morning, I made his lunch. It wasn't anything special. I just put the leftovers in a microwaveable bowl, put some trail mix in a baggie, and a few Sweet Tarts for desert. He doesn't usually bring his own lunch, but since we had delicious leftovers, he decided not to eat the cafeteria food.
He was on call tonight, so I talked to him around 9 and asked about his lunch. He said he hadn't eaten it yet because it was a very busy day. I was a little disappointed, mainly because I knew he would enjoy the Sweet Tarts. But then he said, "The nuts and Sweet Tarts were awesome though." So at least he did get a little enjoyment out of the meal.
It was definitely something out of the ordinary!
To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth. How often do we honor our spouse? According to this definition, I'd say not as often as I should.
Today's challenge was to do something to show Seth that I honor him above my normal routine. So this morning, I made his lunch. It wasn't anything special. I just put the leftovers in a microwaveable bowl, put some trail mix in a baggie, and a few Sweet Tarts for desert. He doesn't usually bring his own lunch, but since we had delicious leftovers, he decided not to eat the cafeteria food.
He was on call tonight, so I talked to him around 9 and asked about his lunch. He said he hadn't eaten it yet because it was a very busy day. I was a little disappointed, mainly because I knew he would enjoy the Sweet Tarts. But then he said, "The nuts and Sweet Tarts were awesome though." So at least he did get a little enjoyment out of the meal.
It was definitely something out of the ordinary!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day 14 - Love Takes Delight
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life. -- Ecclesiastes 9:9
Life is short. Delight in it while you can. And delight in the one you share it with.
Today's challenge was to not do something I would normally do in order to do something with Seth that he wants to do.
So I left all of my school work at school - didn't even bring my computer home! Seth got off early, so I left and met him home. We were going to go to the dog park, but there ended up being a tornado warning, so we decided to stay home. Eventually, the skies cleared as quickly as they had clouded over, and we went to out to dinner. We ate a late meal at Cool Basil, a Thai place in Clive. On the way home, Seth said, "Why don't we stop at Granite City, for old times sake?" We haven't been there in a while, really since I got pregnant, so I figured this was my opportunity to do something Seth wanted to do. So I responded, "Sounds good!" Which I'm pretty sure caught him off guard since that hasn't been my normal response in about seven months.
We hung out for a while and Seth had a beer. We sat close and talked about the basketball games on TV. On the way home he thanked me for being flexible and staying out.
I re-learned that we can have a great time just hanging out. And school can wait.
Life is short. Delight in it while you can. And delight in the one you share it with.
Today's challenge was to not do something I would normally do in order to do something with Seth that he wants to do.
So I left all of my school work at school - didn't even bring my computer home! Seth got off early, so I left and met him home. We were going to go to the dog park, but there ended up being a tornado warning, so we decided to stay home. Eventually, the skies cleared as quickly as they had clouded over, and we went to out to dinner. We ate a late meal at Cool Basil, a Thai place in Clive. On the way home, Seth said, "Why don't we stop at Granite City, for old times sake?" We haven't been there in a while, really since I got pregnant, so I figured this was my opportunity to do something Seth wanted to do. So I responded, "Sounds good!" Which I'm pretty sure caught him off guard since that hasn't been my normal response in about seven months.
We hung out for a while and Seth had a beer. We sat close and talked about the basketball games on TV. On the way home he thanked me for being flexible and staying out.
I re-learned that we can have a great time just hanging out. And school can wait.
Day 13 - Love Fights Fair
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. -- Mark 3:25
Fights. Everyone has them. It's just that some are more brutal than others. I feel very fortunate in this category because Seth and I rarely fight. We can usually rationally come to an agreement about something without it boiling over or festering too long. Today's challenge was to create a list of rule for 'fighting fair.' I came up with six and I promise to adhere to them. Here they are:
1. Don't bring up or think about the past
2. Think before speaking
3. Speak calmly
4. Never fight in public or in front of our children
5. Never go to bed angry
6. We will not fail
7. Deal with my issues first
Fights. Everyone has them. It's just that some are more brutal than others. I feel very fortunate in this category because Seth and I rarely fight. We can usually rationally come to an agreement about something without it boiling over or festering too long. Today's challenge was to create a list of rule for 'fighting fair.' I came up with six and I promise to adhere to them. Here they are:
1. Don't bring up or think about the past
2. Think before speaking
3. Speak calmly
4. Never fight in public or in front of our children
5. Never go to bed angry
6. We will not fail
7. Deal with my issues first
Monday, March 21, 2011
Days 11 and 12 - Love Cherishes and Lets the Other Win
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. -- Ephesians 5:28
and
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. -- Philippians 2:4
This weekend was tough. I really felt like there were times when love was a choice. It made me stop and think and I had to make the choice a few times, but it was definitely a choice.
This is one of Seth's favorite times of year - March Madness. I understand his love of basketball and really didn't try to make any plans that would keep him from watching basketball. I had plans of my own as I had procrastinated the grading of 35 or so essays. But even with these two things planned, we still had work to do.
Seth asked a few times about what we needed to get accomplished on Saturday and Sunday and offered to help, and then would get wrapped up in watching a basketball game. I found myself thinking, Why doesn't he do something? He knows what I want him to do, but he doesn't do it! And right as I would think that, the reply in my head was, But you told him he could watch basketball this weekend.
So I found myself in an interesting schizophrenic state numerous times over the weekend as I consciously pushed myself to choose love and not become seethingly angry with Seth. And what was that like? Every time I focused on choosing love a warm wave would come over me and last for a little while until I got angry again. But the funny thing was, the more I thought of my choice, the longer the warm wave would stay over me. Until I eventually forgot to think about being mad at him.
It seems so silly, but it's funny how those little things are what can make a difference in the way I treat Seth - or anyone for that matter. And making the choice to love made what could have been a sour day in our house into a relatively pleasant one. But here's the deal... choosing love is hard.
And, he did do the vacuuming even though I never made a comment to him about it.
and
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. -- Philippians 2:4
This weekend was tough. I really felt like there were times when love was a choice. It made me stop and think and I had to make the choice a few times, but it was definitely a choice.
This is one of Seth's favorite times of year - March Madness. I understand his love of basketball and really didn't try to make any plans that would keep him from watching basketball. I had plans of my own as I had procrastinated the grading of 35 or so essays. But even with these two things planned, we still had work to do.
Seth asked a few times about what we needed to get accomplished on Saturday and Sunday and offered to help, and then would get wrapped up in watching a basketball game. I found myself thinking, Why doesn't he do something? He knows what I want him to do, but he doesn't do it! And right as I would think that, the reply in my head was, But you told him he could watch basketball this weekend.
So I found myself in an interesting schizophrenic state numerous times over the weekend as I consciously pushed myself to choose love and not become seethingly angry with Seth. And what was that like? Every time I focused on choosing love a warm wave would come over me and last for a little while until I got angry again. But the funny thing was, the more I thought of my choice, the longer the warm wave would stay over me. Until I eventually forgot to think about being mad at him.
It seems so silly, but it's funny how those little things are what can make a difference in the way I treat Seth - or anyone for that matter. And making the choice to love made what could have been a sour day in our house into a relatively pleasant one. But here's the deal... choosing love is hard.
And, he did do the vacuuming even though I never made a comment to him about it.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Day 10 - Love is Unconditional
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. -- Romans 5:8
No matter what, love should be unconditional. You cannot 'fall out of love' but you choose not to love someone anymore. Really, love is a choice. Sometimes it can be a difficult one to make, but ultimately, I made the choice to start with and I will stick with it.
Today's challenge was to do something out of the ordinary for Seth. I made him lunch and bought him another bag of Sweet Tarts candy. His response was "You're becoming so motherly!"
No, I just love you.
No matter what, love should be unconditional. You cannot 'fall out of love' but you choose not to love someone anymore. Really, love is a choice. Sometimes it can be a difficult one to make, but ultimately, I made the choice to start with and I will stick with it.
Today's challenge was to do something out of the ordinary for Seth. I made him lunch and bought him another bag of Sweet Tarts candy. His response was "You're becoming so motherly!"
No, I just love you.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Day 9 - Love Makes Good Impressions
Greet one another with a kiss of love. -- 1 Peter 5:14
Today's challenge talked about how important first impressions really are. They set the tone for the rest of the encounter and can infuse a situation with happiness and gladness just by the tone of your voice. I really took a look at how I interact with people and greet them from the start to see if that could make a difference in how the conversation goes. It was amazing! If you start with a smile, typically things will end in a smile as well. Giving love so freely from the start has a dramatic impact on those who receive it. And why wouldn't you want your spouse to benefit from that?
Today I had to think of a specific way to greet Seth. Since he was on call, I decided the phone was the best option. Whenever I talked to him today I started the conversation off with, "Hi Darling!" making sure that the exclamation mark could be inferred. Every conversation we had also ended with a positive tone to our voices as well. I can understand how something as simple as the tone of your voice can have an impact on the mood of the conversation. Especially since I teach tone/mood in one lesson at school!
Reflecting back on greetings, I know they have an impact. Seth has made comments before from the way I answer the phone and say hi when he gets home. Like if I just answer with "Hi," his first response is, "What's wrong?" Or one time I answered, "Hi, Seth." And he said he wasn't for sure it was me he called because I never answer the phone like that. And, when he gets home from work on being on call and the dogs practically attack him, he knows he is loved. Yet, I just sit on the couch and wait for him to come into the living room. That's not showing how much I loved and missed him. Come on, Amy. I should miss him more than the dogs do!!
This is definitely an area I intend to focus on because I know Seth notices and it can set the tone/mood for the rest of the conversation or evening! Oh, and the last line of the chapter? Choose love.
Today's challenge talked about how important first impressions really are. They set the tone for the rest of the encounter and can infuse a situation with happiness and gladness just by the tone of your voice. I really took a look at how I interact with people and greet them from the start to see if that could make a difference in how the conversation goes. It was amazing! If you start with a smile, typically things will end in a smile as well. Giving love so freely from the start has a dramatic impact on those who receive it. And why wouldn't you want your spouse to benefit from that?
Today I had to think of a specific way to greet Seth. Since he was on call, I decided the phone was the best option. Whenever I talked to him today I started the conversation off with, "Hi Darling!" making sure that the exclamation mark could be inferred. Every conversation we had also ended with a positive tone to our voices as well. I can understand how something as simple as the tone of your voice can have an impact on the mood of the conversation. Especially since I teach tone/mood in one lesson at school!
Reflecting back on greetings, I know they have an impact. Seth has made comments before from the way I answer the phone and say hi when he gets home. Like if I just answer with "Hi," his first response is, "What's wrong?" Or one time I answered, "Hi, Seth." And he said he wasn't for sure it was me he called because I never answer the phone like that. And, when he gets home from work on being on call and the dogs practically attack him, he knows he is loved. Yet, I just sit on the couch and wait for him to come into the living room. That's not showing how much I loved and missed him. Come on, Amy. I should miss him more than the dogs do!!
This is definitely an area I intend to focus on because I know Seth notices and it can set the tone/mood for the rest of the conversation or evening! Oh, and the last line of the chapter? Choose love.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Day 8 - Love is not Jealous
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. -- Song of Solomon 8:6
Jealousy is a tough one. It can break down a wall of love in an instant. This is especially dangerous if you are jealous of your spouse. Today's challenge was to share in a recent success for Seth. Ultimately, this would lead to me being Seth's biggest cheerleader in everything he does. I feel like I am naturally his cheerleader, so I had to do some searching for an area that I may not be as positive about.
Seth recently started making a conscious effort to work out. He bought a home system, got our neighbor to do it with him (strength in numbers!), and has been working out every morning at 5. Every night he comments about how great he feels and tells me about the various comments random people will give him during the day asking if he has lost weight. I am very proud of him and know that this is something he really wants to accomplish. I also know that he can't do it without my support.
It would be really easy for me to be jealous of the time he is committing to work out. It could be almost two hours at times. But I know that any comments from me about the time it is taking or not seeing results can send messages that would kill this for him. And I definitely don't want that, seeing how happy it has made him already. So far it hasn't been too bad. However, in May, things could all change.
Our neighbor commented on how difficult it might be to continue working out once the baby comes. When he told me that my reaction was, "How will that change anything?" Seth said he would make sure to remember I said that. And I want to make sure I remember I said that. I know how important this is to him and I want to cheer him on with it. Yesterday I noticed he had lost weight, which I think says something since I see him every day and don't notice those subtle changes.
Oh, and the Depreciation Room list from yesterday? Burned in the sink this morning. Nothing on that list was important enough to focus on and seeing the flaming list was a great reminder of that!
Jealousy is a tough one. It can break down a wall of love in an instant. This is especially dangerous if you are jealous of your spouse. Today's challenge was to share in a recent success for Seth. Ultimately, this would lead to me being Seth's biggest cheerleader in everything he does. I feel like I am naturally his cheerleader, so I had to do some searching for an area that I may not be as positive about.
Seth recently started making a conscious effort to work out. He bought a home system, got our neighbor to do it with him (strength in numbers!), and has been working out every morning at 5. Every night he comments about how great he feels and tells me about the various comments random people will give him during the day asking if he has lost weight. I am very proud of him and know that this is something he really wants to accomplish. I also know that he can't do it without my support.
It would be really easy for me to be jealous of the time he is committing to work out. It could be almost two hours at times. But I know that any comments from me about the time it is taking or not seeing results can send messages that would kill this for him. And I definitely don't want that, seeing how happy it has made him already. So far it hasn't been too bad. However, in May, things could all change.
Our neighbor commented on how difficult it might be to continue working out once the baby comes. When he told me that my reaction was, "How will that change anything?" Seth said he would make sure to remember I said that. And I want to make sure I remember I said that. I know how important this is to him and I want to cheer him on with it. Yesterday I noticed he had lost weight, which I think says something since I see him every day and don't notice those subtle changes.
Oh, and the Depreciation Room list from yesterday? Burned in the sink this morning. Nothing on that list was important enough to focus on and seeing the flaming list was a great reminder of that!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Day 7 - Love Believes the Best
[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. -- 1 Corinthians 13:7
Today was an interesting day. Before I read this chapter, I thought that I believed the best in Seth. But under closer examination, I realize that may not always be the case. The authors describe two rooms in our heart - Appreciation Room and Depreciation Room.
In the Appreciation Room, we spent a lot of time marveling at all the amazing characteristics that we fell in love with our spouse for. As time goes on, the Depreciation Room becomes more of a place we come to as our partner fails to fulfill certain expectations we have. It can become easier to spend time in the Depreciation Room as we find flaws and hold grudges towards them. However, love is the antidote to the destructive power that room can have.
Today's challenge was make a list of positive characteristics and negative characteristics about Seth and then put the lists away. I have a feeling I'll be looking at those again. My list of positives was twice as long as the negatives. And it took me a lot longer to come up with the negatives, so maybe I do spend more time in the Appreciation Room than I thought.
The last task was to thank Seth for one of the attributes on my list. After our breastfeeding class yesterday, I know that I am truly appreciative of his knowledge in medicine and dedication to mothers and babies in his practice as he will definitely be able to calm my fears when we become parents.
I had to write that so that I can reread it when I'm not so sure I know what he's talking about at 3am in a couple of months!
Today was an interesting day. Before I read this chapter, I thought that I believed the best in Seth. But under closer examination, I realize that may not always be the case. The authors describe two rooms in our heart - Appreciation Room and Depreciation Room.
In the Appreciation Room, we spent a lot of time marveling at all the amazing characteristics that we fell in love with our spouse for. As time goes on, the Depreciation Room becomes more of a place we come to as our partner fails to fulfill certain expectations we have. It can become easier to spend time in the Depreciation Room as we find flaws and hold grudges towards them. However, love is the antidote to the destructive power that room can have.
Today's challenge was make a list of positive characteristics and negative characteristics about Seth and then put the lists away. I have a feeling I'll be looking at those again. My list of positives was twice as long as the negatives. And it took me a lot longer to come up with the negatives, so maybe I do spend more time in the Appreciation Room than I thought.
The last task was to thank Seth for one of the attributes on my list. After our breastfeeding class yesterday, I know that I am truly appreciative of his knowledge in medicine and dedication to mothers and babies in his practice as he will definitely be able to calm my fears when we become parents.
I had to write that so that I can reread it when I'm not so sure I know what he's talking about at 3am in a couple of months!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Days 3 and 6 - Love is not Selfish or Irritable
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. --Romans 12:10
Day 3 is all about self and our love for ourselves rather than those around us. As you've read, this is an area I struggle with, and so I was definitely up for the challenge. Basically, the authors say that focusing on the happiness of your spouse will ultimately lead to your happiness. I do know that to be true, however, it is difficult to go with it when my needs are so important! See, it IS easy to be selfish.
So today, my challenge was to buy something that tells Seth I was thinking about him today. I ran quite a few errands and found time to get him two things. One was a gift card to wash his car. He loves the car wash at the Subaru dealership, so I thought this would be an easy gift to give. He's always talking about wanting to wash the car. I bought one so that he could have 5-8 washes, depending on the level of clean he wanted. His reaction - "Is that for me? Wow! Thanks! But I was planning on washing the cars by hand now that it is getting warm out. But I can still use it." I wasn't disappointed when he said that, because that is definitely his preferred method of washing - by hand so it is done well -, so I went on to the next gift.
A bag of Sweet Tarts Easter candy. On Sunday, we looked at Hy-Vee and they only had the gummy kind, not acceptable! So I knew that he was wanting those. When I was out, I looked at Target, and again, only gummy. So I made a special trip to Walgreens and there they were, chicks, ducks, and bunnies of hard Sweet Tart candy. His reaction to that one? "Awesome! Where did you find them? You are the BEST!" (kiss on the cheek)
Now you may be thinking, what an odd reaction, but let me tell you, Seth LOVES Sweet Tarts. It also taught me that listening closely (I knew that was what he really wanted) and not spending a lot of money can definitely go a long ways.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. --Proverbs 16:32
Day 6 is about not being irritable. Basically, I needed to figure out what makes me irritable (like stress and selfishness) and how can I go about lowering them or fending them off before they get out of control. Sadly, this list wasn't a challenge to make, which signals to me that I can be an irritable person to live with. When examining my list, I think I'm a more fun person to be around in the summer, which, interestingly enough, Seth has made that comment a few times before. All in all, I have found a few places in my day to take some more time and relax/de-stress as well as become less selfish with.
Side note: The feeling of love in our house has definitely grown. There hasn't been a tense feeling or word since Saturday night. And it is only Day 6!
Day 3 is all about self and our love for ourselves rather than those around us. As you've read, this is an area I struggle with, and so I was definitely up for the challenge. Basically, the authors say that focusing on the happiness of your spouse will ultimately lead to your happiness. I do know that to be true, however, it is difficult to go with it when my needs are so important! See, it IS easy to be selfish.
So today, my challenge was to buy something that tells Seth I was thinking about him today. I ran quite a few errands and found time to get him two things. One was a gift card to wash his car. He loves the car wash at the Subaru dealership, so I thought this would be an easy gift to give. He's always talking about wanting to wash the car. I bought one so that he could have 5-8 washes, depending on the level of clean he wanted. His reaction - "Is that for me? Wow! Thanks! But I was planning on washing the cars by hand now that it is getting warm out. But I can still use it." I wasn't disappointed when he said that, because that is definitely his preferred method of washing - by hand so it is done well -, so I went on to the next gift.
A bag of Sweet Tarts Easter candy. On Sunday, we looked at Hy-Vee and they only had the gummy kind, not acceptable! So I knew that he was wanting those. When I was out, I looked at Target, and again, only gummy. So I made a special trip to Walgreens and there they were, chicks, ducks, and bunnies of hard Sweet Tart candy. His reaction to that one? "Awesome! Where did you find them? You are the BEST!" (kiss on the cheek)
Now you may be thinking, what an odd reaction, but let me tell you, Seth LOVES Sweet Tarts. It also taught me that listening closely (I knew that was what he really wanted) and not spending a lot of money can definitely go a long ways.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. --Proverbs 16:32
Day 6 is about not being irritable. Basically, I needed to figure out what makes me irritable (like stress and selfishness) and how can I go about lowering them or fending them off before they get out of control. Sadly, this list wasn't a challenge to make, which signals to me that I can be an irritable person to live with. When examining my list, I think I'm a more fun person to be around in the summer, which, interestingly enough, Seth has made that comment a few times before. All in all, I have found a few places in my day to take some more time and relax/de-stress as well as become less selfish with.
Side note: The feeling of love in our house has definitely grown. There hasn't been a tense feeling or word since Saturday night. And it is only Day 6!
Days 4 and 5 - Love is thoughtful, not rude
So I had a busy weekend! On Friday, I traveled with my small group down to Kansas City to experience IHOP and WOW! What amazing growth God catapulted me towards on my journey with Him. He challenged me in ways I wasn't expecting but appreciate. I am excited to begin this season of growth with Him. Unfortunately, Seth wasn't able to come down with us which made it difficult to continue the Love Dare from a few hundred miles away. Needless to say, I'm combining days to get back on track.
The first few days of the book having been transformative for me (and hopefully Seth) as they have focused a lot on the root of love and where we go wrong. Almost every day has spoken about how selfishness plays a role in muddling up our ability to love, and I am learning so much every day!
How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -- Psalm 139:17-18
Day 4 is about being more thoughtful. I was supposed to call Seth randomly during the day to see how things were going and see if there was anything I could do for him. Since I was in KC, I just focused on the day part. He was at the hospital most of the day delivering a baby (the reason he couldn't join us for the trip), so I called a couple of times to say hi and see how the day was going. It was nice to chat and just see how things were going. He wasn't really busy as he was waiting, so it was easy to have a quick conversation. I should definitely try that over lunch sometime as I know he usually has a pretty busy schedule. It might even be easier to text, although we're trying not to do that since we went over our text usage limits last month... Checking in just to say 'Hi, I love you, I'm thinking about you,' can definitely have an impact in the way my day goes and ends.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. -- Proverbs 27:14
Day 5 is about not being rude. I feel like I am not a totally different person inside the house than I am outside of the house. I know there are times, like when I am stressed or frustrated, where I am not necessarily the nicest person to know, but I try to not do things out of spite and rudeness towards him. Three guiding principles to focus on with that are:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31)
2. No double standards. Treat your spouse the way you treat strangers and coworkers
3. Honor requests. Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.
So the challenge for the day was to ask Seth what I do that irritates him and learn from it. He mentioned that I eat a lot of carbs
To be honest, I struggled not to laugh. Really? That's what bothers him? But he has mentioned it quite a few times throughout the last few months of pregnancy and the fact that I am hungry for seemingly ONLY carbs. I know he cares about me and wants me to be healthy and too many carbs is not the way to go. So I asked a few more probing questions about what that means and what I should do. Knowing his thoughts about it, I do want to focus on spreading out my love for carbs during the week and not overdoing it.
I know I am missing Day 3, but I think I can combine that with Day 6. It took me a little bit to figure out what I wanted to do with it, but I should be able to accomplish it today. I'll let you know!
The first few days of the book having been transformative for me (and hopefully Seth) as they have focused a lot on the root of love and where we go wrong. Almost every day has spoken about how selfishness plays a role in muddling up our ability to love, and I am learning so much every day!
How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. -- Psalm 139:17-18
Day 4 is about being more thoughtful. I was supposed to call Seth randomly during the day to see how things were going and see if there was anything I could do for him. Since I was in KC, I just focused on the day part. He was at the hospital most of the day delivering a baby (the reason he couldn't join us for the trip), so I called a couple of times to say hi and see how the day was going. It was nice to chat and just see how things were going. He wasn't really busy as he was waiting, so it was easy to have a quick conversation. I should definitely try that over lunch sometime as I know he usually has a pretty busy schedule. It might even be easier to text, although we're trying not to do that since we went over our text usage limits last month... Checking in just to say 'Hi, I love you, I'm thinking about you,' can definitely have an impact in the way my day goes and ends.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. -- Proverbs 27:14
Day 5 is about not being rude. I feel like I am not a totally different person inside the house than I am outside of the house. I know there are times, like when I am stressed or frustrated, where I am not necessarily the nicest person to know, but I try to not do things out of spite and rudeness towards him. Three guiding principles to focus on with that are:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31)
2. No double standards. Treat your spouse the way you treat strangers and coworkers
3. Honor requests. Consider what your spouse already asked you to do or not do.
So the challenge for the day was to ask Seth what I do that irritates him and learn from it. He mentioned that I eat a lot of carbs
To be honest, I struggled not to laugh. Really? That's what bothers him? But he has mentioned it quite a few times throughout the last few months of pregnancy and the fact that I am hungry for seemingly ONLY carbs. I know he cares about me and wants me to be healthy and too many carbs is not the way to go. So I asked a few more probing questions about what that means and what I should do. Knowing his thoughts about it, I do want to focus on spreading out my love for carbs during the week and not overdoing it.
I know I am missing Day 3, but I think I can combine that with Day 6. It took me a little bit to figure out what I wanted to do with it, but I should be able to accomplish it today. I'll let you know!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day 2 - Love is Kind
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. --Ephesians 4:32
Love really is kind. The Love Dare talks about how there are four parts to kindness -- gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative. I can definitely see how all four of those play a role in showing kindness, and ultimately love, to others. It can be difficult to be kind in these ways, especially for someone who has selfishness issues.
Today's dare was to do one unexpected act of kindness for Seth. I'm going to do laundry. I know, really caring, right? But laundry is not one of my faves, and it needs to be done. I mean I can do laundry, I'm just not big into folding. Which is why there is a load sitting in the dryer right now (from a few days ago. Okay, a week ago). So really I'll have one and a half loads of laundry to do. Anyways, yesterday Seth said he was out of white shirts and that he would do it today when he was post-call. However, he spent most of the afternoon sleeping when he could since he was up the night before at the hospital. So you see, it truly is an act of kindness. And I'll even put it all away - that is definitely kindness! Being helpful and willing and taking the initiative to get it done.
I think he was surprised. His reaction was, "I said I was going to do that. Thanks!" I know he appreciated it. :)
The more I reflect on it, the more I know. Focusing in on love this year is definitely the direction I needed to take to grow in my faith and as a person.
Love really is kind. The Love Dare talks about how there are four parts to kindness -- gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative. I can definitely see how all four of those play a role in showing kindness, and ultimately love, to others. It can be difficult to be kind in these ways, especially for someone who has selfishness issues.
Today's dare was to do one unexpected act of kindness for Seth. I'm going to do laundry. I know, really caring, right? But laundry is not one of my faves, and it needs to be done. I mean I can do laundry, I'm just not big into folding. Which is why there is a load sitting in the dryer right now (from a few days ago. Okay, a week ago). So really I'll have one and a half loads of laundry to do. Anyways, yesterday Seth said he was out of white shirts and that he would do it today when he was post-call. However, he spent most of the afternoon sleeping when he could since he was up the night before at the hospital. So you see, it truly is an act of kindness. And I'll even put it all away - that is definitely kindness! Being helpful and willing and taking the initiative to get it done.
I think he was surprised. His reaction was, "I said I was going to do that. Thanks!" I know he appreciated it. :)
The more I reflect on it, the more I know. Focusing in on love this year is definitely the direction I needed to take to grow in my faith and as a person.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Day 1 - Love is Patient
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. - Ephesians 4:2
Today is about patience. As I read through the days devotion, I realized that is an area that has been holding me back. I have felt like selfishness is something that I need to work on, but I have really felt like I am missing something with that. Until I had read this section, patience had never occurred to me as being connected to selfishness. However, it became pretty clear to me that that is something I need to work on. The dare for today is to think in patience with your spouse. If you feel anger or a quick remark coming on, you should take a step back and wait a moment. Patience is the calm that keeps things together, rather than tears them down. I don't think I'm quick to anger necessarily, but I definitely don't hold my tongue if I don't have something nice to say.
Today's dare was also challenging because I only saw Seth from about 6:30-7:00 as he was on-call tonight. So I transferred the dare to everyone else in my day - drivers on the way to school, students, parents, administrators, and students again. Every time I felt myself getting riled up about something, the word patience floated into my mind and I took a deep breath. Every time that happened, I felt a calm ooze over my body and my anger left me. Let me tell you, it definitely felt good. Way better than the tense, hot, tight feeling that anger sends through me.
I'm going to keep working on this dare tomorrow as well since I didn't get to see Seth today, but I know it will be a good tidbit to keep anyways. Patience. Definitely a virtue I need to keep working on.
Today is about patience. As I read through the days devotion, I realized that is an area that has been holding me back. I have felt like selfishness is something that I need to work on, but I have really felt like I am missing something with that. Until I had read this section, patience had never occurred to me as being connected to selfishness. However, it became pretty clear to me that that is something I need to work on. The dare for today is to think in patience with your spouse. If you feel anger or a quick remark coming on, you should take a step back and wait a moment. Patience is the calm that keeps things together, rather than tears them down. I don't think I'm quick to anger necessarily, but I definitely don't hold my tongue if I don't have something nice to say.
Today's dare was also challenging because I only saw Seth from about 6:30-7:00 as he was on-call tonight. So I transferred the dare to everyone else in my day - drivers on the way to school, students, parents, administrators, and students again. Every time I felt myself getting riled up about something, the word patience floated into my mind and I took a deep breath. Every time that happened, I felt a calm ooze over my body and my anger left me. Let me tell you, it definitely felt good. Way better than the tense, hot, tight feeling that anger sends through me.
I'm going to keep working on this dare tomorrow as well since I didn't get to see Seth today, but I know it will be a good tidbit to keep anyways. Patience. Definitely a virtue I need to keep working on.
The Love Dare
Today is Ash Wednesday - the first day of Lent. I decided to ramp up my loving ways and embark on The Love Dare for the next 40 days. Instead of giving something up specifically, I am going to give myself up to God and this trial to help me move forward with choosing love daily. I am also doing this totally unbeknownst to Seth. So I am excited to see how things change and if he can tell something is different before I reveal my plan to him on Easter sunday.
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